I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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