I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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