I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
