I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
