I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
