In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
