i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Don't tell me you're on acid again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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