His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
