Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
