I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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