Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
