nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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