I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
