we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
