I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone signed my nipple.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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