I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
