God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
