Duck Duck Cougar?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
