go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
