I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
