i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
