he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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