the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
