So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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