Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
