You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
