At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
