To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
