Apparently you make a good broom.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
