she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize