no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
