I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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