she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize