After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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