tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize