So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
babies were throwing up all over the place
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
