he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
