I'm really into asian looking animals
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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