Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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