The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
