I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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