I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize