yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
