the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
