i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
