bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
