he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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