Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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