Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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