I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
