I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
