i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
