I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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