Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
