My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
