It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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