your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
