This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she pinky promised me she was 18
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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