weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
