How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
