now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
