Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
