I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
