Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
