my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
