She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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