We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i've created a new STD.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
