I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't turn off my feet"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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