God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
