I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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