so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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