We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
