Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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