Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
