Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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