woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
